10. Blood sausage is NOT a necessary part of any menu and should be avoided at all costs and having someone ask you if you can feel it oozing down your throat as you chew it does not help the situation.
9. Mosquitos here are invisible and hungry. I probably have over 100 bites and though I bathe in bugspray every night I seem to always wake up with more. One of my locals friends told me that meant I have sweet blood.
8. 45 SPF suncreen applied four times within a day is NOT enough when you are a white white blanca white girl in Spain.
7. It is pointless to wear make up here. It will inevitably be running down your face within an hour of going outside. Not a good look. Not to mention, i you are a 6´tall busty white woman wearing makeup and a dress in city center Madrid people will mistake you for a transvestite. This is not good for one´s ego.
6. No matter which direction you turn once you get off the metro, you will definately choose the side that has stairs leading up and out and an escalator only coming down. This is luck, this is life. (see picture for a perfect example)
5. If you cough all night long and refuse to let your Spanish roommate take you to the hospital, you will wake up with a post it note stuck to your forehead that says, "good morning lady. On the fridge you will find a natural orange juice glass, take that to be good for your big chest problems." Aww...cute Eloy, he made me fresh squeezed orange and carrot juice, my "big chest" will be better in no time.
4 If the person you stop to ask for directions turns out to be a prostitute, the policia will certainly want to have a word with you. And no, telling them you speak no Spanish will NOT get you out of questioning.
3 A complete normal school day here might sound like this..."Go to the Bar Yakarta in the Plaza Eliptica at 11 on Saturday morning, you will meet a man named Noel. Don´t ask for him, he will know who you are." After doing so, you get in this stranger´s car and drive over an hour to the mountains to sit under a large tree at a ski resort and practice your verbs. 8 hours later you come home. Normal.
2. At any given moment in any given house at least one person will be naked. The problem is that every time I seem to enter a house, it´s the ugliest most awfully shaped person who seems to have their clothes off. I can´t carry on a conversation like that. ... "yes school was great today, I learned about present participles and oh my is that your breast on the floor?"
And the number 1 thing I´ve learned..The taxis may be small here but you can still fit about 8 midgets in just one with room to spare. It´s true, I saw it.
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